From Overthinking to Self-Trust: An IFS Coaching Success Story in Authentic Leadership
A Journey from Overthinking to Self-Trust
There’s a quiet kind of freedom that arrives when you stop building your life around fear and start trusting yourself again—when the noise of overthinking softens and you begin leading from your true self, not the parts that perform, perfect, or please.
That’s exactly what happened for Carmen, a visionary woman who came to me caught in the exhausting cycle of perfectionism and overanalyzing every aspect of her life.
It showed up most painfully in her business—the place where she most wanted to live her purpose and support herself doing meaningful work. But it also threaded through her days in quieter ways: What should I wear today? Which coffee thermos should I buy? What do I pack for vacation? Even the simplest choices felt heavy, because every decision seemed to carry the weight of her worth.
Through the gentle power of IFS & Parts Work and a deeply personalized spiritual life coaching journey, she began to soften. The same patterns that once drove her business decisions began revealing themselves as protective parts longing for safety, not signs of failure. Over time, those anxious, striving voices loosened their grip—making room for something far steadier: Self-trust.
“Andrea helped me go from inner chaos, overwhelm, and overthinking to feeling worthy, in control, and on the right path.”
And truthfully? I saw myself in her.
That’s what I love most about this work—compassionate leadership isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about seeing our shared humanity so clearly that another person can finally see themselves through our eyes.
Before IFS Coaching: Living from Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Overachieving
When Carmen reached out, she was ready for a new way forward.
Years of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overachieving had left her tired and tightly wound, running on the fumes of “doing it right.” She could feel how those old patterns—numbing, second-guessing, holding herself back—were dimming the light she wanted to share.
At her core, she longed for ease and embodiment.
She wanted to relax the energetic rigidity that kept her in control, to open into more play, sensuality, and aliveness.
Beneath her concerns about how she looked or how she was perceived lived a deeper desire: to release inherited stories about needing to stay small, polished, and perfect—and to finally trust herself.
“I want to focus on feeling good in my business and life, rather than looking good.”
We began with an IFS Coaching Experience Session, a single session designed to help her experience the work firsthand.
I offer these intentionally—some people come because they’ve heard Gabby Bernstein, Elizabeth Gilbert, or even Dick Schwartz talk about the power of Internal Family Systems. Others, like Carmen, come to sense whether I’m the right guide for them. It’s a full head-heart-gut check before saying yes to deeper work.
The First IFS Coaching Session: Witnessing the Polarization Within
Carmen came into her first IFS coaching experience session with big dreams—and a simple frustration: she had things she wanted to do, but small decisions kept taking over her day. By mid-morning, she’d be tangled in overthinking and self-doubt, her energy scattered before she even began.
Despite years of therapy and coach training, something deeper was calling for attention.
That first session revealed what had been hiding all along: a strong internal polarization.
- One part desperate to hold it all together, believing control equaled safety.
- Another part bold, creative, and eager to live fully, longing for colour and truth.
For years, these two parts had been locked in a quiet tug-of-war: one keeping her small to stay safe, the other pushing for freedom.
During our session, we worked gently with this polarization. I guided her to witness both sides with compassion, to see that neither was wrong—they were simply trying to protect her in the only way they knew how.
As she turned toward them with understanding, her breath deepened. The protector softened. The creative part exhaled.
“I feel like I can sit back,” she said. “Like the world around me is a fluffy cloud instead of dark scribbly energy.”
That was the moment everything began to change. For the first time, she wasn’t trying to fix herself—she was meeting herself.
The Six-Month IFS Coaching Journey: Building Self-Acceptance
The thing about this kind of inner work—IFS, shadow work, spiritual healing—is that it’s both relational and compounding.
It’s like getting a single massage and thinking, ah, that feels good… but when you keep going, the real magic happens. The tension you didn’t even know you were carrying begins to unravel, and your whole physiology starts to align in a new way.
After that first session, we gained access to deeper systems and stories running beneath the surface.
Over six months, we gently unhooked her from the grip of the inner critic, perfectionism, and guilt.
Together we retrieved younger parts—those inner children who had learned they had to perform to be loved—and she began to mother them with the tenderness she never received.
As her self-judgment loosened, she started seeing herself clearly for the first time.
Not as broken. Not as “too much.”
But as brilliantly whole.
This wasn’t just parts work; this was shadow work that actually works.
She began taking less time making everything perfect—from her emails to her outfits—and started following what felt true. One day, she even walked out of a yoga class that didn’t feel good for her body. A seemingly small choice, but a monumental one:
“My needs matter, and I trust others to handle theirs.”
She fired her marketing team and paused her VA until her next direction felt clear. She stopped outsourcing her strategy to “experts” who couldn’t see her vision and began honouring her own.
By the end, she could list what she once believed were flaws—her sensitivity, intensity, and high standards—and now saw them as gifts.
She was making hard decisions with more ease, feeling safe in her body again, and reconnecting to her sensuality.
Her hips had softened. Her breath had deepened.
Her relationship became healthier, grounded in mutual growth rather than self-sacrifice.
“I still have ups and downs, but I relate completely differently to them now. I’m much more resilient and at peace.”
That’s what happens when you stop trying to manage yourself and start to trust yourself.
The Transformation: Leading from Authentic Self
By the end of our work together, something in Carmen had settled.
The anxious hum that once filled her mind and body had quieted into a grounded rhythm. The pressure to perform had dissolved into trust—trust in herself, her timing, her knowing.
She no longer needed to analyze every decision. She could simply feel, sense, and act from a deeper alignment.
She had become the kind of leader I call Self-led—rooted, radiant, and real.
But here’s the honest truth: the process wasn’t tidy.
There were days when she “relapsed,” spending hours numbed out on the couch, frustrated by old patterns returning.
This is the behind-the-scenes of growth—it gets messier before it gets better.
I often tell my clients: inner work is like cleaning out your closet.
You pull everything out, look around at the chaos, and think, What have I done?
The key is not to stop there. You sort through the mess, keep what serves you, release what doesn’t, and put everything back with intention.
That’s what we did together. Through the confusion, through the middle, through the mess—I held the light while she found her way back to it.
The Universal Lesson: True Liberation and Authentic Leadership
Carmen’s story carries a universal truth: when we stop trying to fix ourselves, we finally meet ourselves.
So many visionary women come to me believing their sensitivities and complexities are problems to solve.
But what if those are your greatest gifts?
This is what IFS coaching for self-trust offers: a way to stop contorting and start expanding.
To build a relationship with your Self, not a performance of yourself.
To lead from authenticity, not adaptation.
Because when each of us lives our gifts fully, we don’t compete—we complete the collective.
Our distinct skills, voices, and energies weave together like a mycelium network—interconnected, intelligent, alive.
True liberation and leadership aren’t solo pursuits; they’re the quiet revolution that happens when each of us comes home to who we really are.
When I think of Carmen now, I think of someone who’s leading from wholeness.
She trusts herself.
She honours her rhythm.
She allows life to move through her instead of trying to control it.
She’s become what she always wanted to be: a woman who feels at home in herself, and free in her life.
That’s what this work is really about.
“Andrea is a master of her craft as an IFS specialist… she’s embodied, human, and deeply effective. Every call felt like being loved, supported, and understood.”
Feeling the Call?
If you’re craving the same kind of peace and clarity Carmen found—the kind that comes from reconnecting with your authentic Self—there are two beautiful ways to begin:
Book an IFS Experience Session — a single, powerful session to help you feel what this work is like in your body (and feel into what longer term coaching could be like together) .
Or
Schedule a free 60-minute consultation — a heart-to-heart conversation to explore whether ongoing coaching feels right for you.
Andrea Tessier, M.Ed is a Master Life Coach and Level-2 IFS Practitioner, and the creator of The Self-Trust Blueprint—a transformational framework that blends Internal Family Systems with spiritual coaching to help ambitious, growth-oriented women release old patterns, build deep self-trust, and lead from their true Self.