Self-Care Excuses Debunked!

Crippling teacher burnout abruptly ended my teaching career in the classroom. A year and a half of pushing, grinding, doing ‘what I was supposed to’ got me nowhere but deeper in a dark hole. I believe that this is the next ‘pandemic’ for educators. The signs and symptoms are all there. The question remains if we are ready to do something about it before it’s too late. 

For decades I relied heavily on perfectionist tendencies, blaming others and people pleasing so I could in some way control other people’s opinion of me. None of these work in the long run. 

• Perfectionism is unattainable and is rooted in a belief that our self worth is based in achievement of something external to us. 
• Blaming others was a way of avoiding responsibility for some of my own shit that needed to go. 
• And you can never, ever control the way another person thinks or feels. 

So needless to say, none of these were working very well. 

What I know now, that I wish I knew then, was that I had so much more control than I thought. I had full control over my internal world - the thoughts I chose to believe, the stories I would continue to play out and my relationship with my emotions.  I could attend to my internal world and care for myself rather than expecting others to. And as soon as I did that, I started to heal. 

It’s come to my attention that I am not the only one to feel this way. Teachers are terrible at recognizing the need for and then implementing self care. I say this as a broad sweeping statement but recognize that it’s not all of us. Some already got hit with the universal 2-by-4 like me and switched things up and some lucky ones were brought up valuing the self. As a whole, we have a lot of work to do. 

Your wellness is literally all you have and if you ever hope to show up for others as you truly want to, you must come first. 

What is Self Care? 

It’s not just about bubble baths and massages (but it can be that too!). Self care is a daily ritual of self-healing that keeps us safe from potential illness in advance; healing of the mind, the body and the spirit. Self care is important if you want your body and mind to be healthy, active, energetic and well for a lifetime. Self care is found in how we make regular choices to renew and rebalance and bring back to wholeness our body, mind and spirit. 

There are so many benefits to committing to self-care;

• reduced stress
• soothing anxiety
• lowering blood pressure
• connected and fulfilling relationships
• passion and purpose
• increased energy, self esteem and self worth  

Teachers find it very challenging to prioritize and implement self-care. 

I’d like to address a few of the common reasons behind not initiating and prioritizing self care. 

“There is not enough time”

Try reframing this with a new belief such as; “I make time for what I value”. If you have time for social media scrolling, Netflix and television, chances are there is some time for self-care. 

Make self-care and your wellness the most valuable thing to you. This is where energy, love is generated and can spread outward. Start with three minutes a day. 

 

“I’m too busy putting others first”

People pleasing and lack of boundaries reflect a need to be significant and can point to low self-worth. Stop chasing, stop convincing, stop putting your worth in other people’s hands. You are worthy simply because you exist. Try reframing this belief to something like; “by putting myself first I am more able to show up for the ones I love”.

 

“That’s just what teachers do”

Everyone seems to have a very strong opinion on what teachers should and shouldn’t do. Very few of them actually educators. Too many people believe that because they went to school they understand what it means to be a teacher. This is simply absurd. I get my teeth cleaned, does that make me a dentist? I eat at a restaurant, am I a chef? While some amount of fear or judgement keeps us striving for our best, putting worth in the opinion of others keeps you small. 

 

This is a very strong and very real belief or conditioning that is placed upon teachers from all directions. It’s 2020 and it’s time for a paradigm shift. I’ve also heard teachers say that selfcare is not valued at school or that their leadership doesn’t support or resource it. When is the ask too much? What if you actually get to decide? Let’s reframe this too: What if the job of the teacher is connection first and foremost? And what if the best source of connection is connecting with the self? What if what teachers do is to make sure they are okay first so they can continue to do the most important work in the world? What might be possible then? 

 

“I feel guilty for saying no”

A YES should feel expansive and energizing, meaningful and worthwhile. Saying YES when you actually want to say no keeps us small. Guilt is an emotion that often covers up fear. When fear is running the show, you are not going to feel good. Get curious about the guilt. Where does it come from and why is it here? Then ask yourself, what would love choose? Let’s offer ourselves a new belief here: “Every no to them is a yes to you”. 

 

“People will think it’s selfish”

Most of us throw important acts of self care into the ‘Selfish’ category. We are told that putting ourselves and our needs first is selfish so we show up for things outside of ourselves before ourselves. Over time this leads to burnout, exhaustion, lack of time for what is important to us. The cost is resentment, blaming others for showing up for them rather than ourselves and ultimately destroying relationships,

It’s not selfish to not want to make plans. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own happiness. It’s not selfish to change your mind if a previous yes now feels like a no. Boundaries are not selfish. It’s not selfish to reevaluate relationships that aren’t working anymore. It’s not selfish to have your own interests, hobbies or passions. It’s not selfish to say no to things that feel draining

If any of these beliefs are in the back seat secretly running the show it is highly likely that you are going to feel drained, overwhelmed and anxious and you are on the path to burnout. You are not doing yourself any favours by allowing this to be true. I’m here to tell you: you don’t have to be. A few slight adjustments to how you think about self care and you can be on your way to feeling better. 

First, you must recognize the need for renewal. This doesn’t make you weak but makes you human. Just as phones need to be charged and computers plugged in, so do we. 

Second, the real work is finding the motivation to adopt new habits to renew the self that fit into your life situation. 

How can you motivate yourself?

1. Admit that you want and need a change
2. Adopt a consistent meditation routine to find stillness and ease. Even 3 minutes a day will help. Here you will learn that Inner peace is far more enjoyable than stress.
3. Schedule time in the day or set a reminder for self-care
4. Begin to prioritize yourself and you will notice more fulfillment overall. You are your own best healer.

Ideas for Self-Care

• Meditate - allows for inner peace and quietness

• Anything that brings contentment and joy; love, joy, beauty, creativity
• Laughter
• Healing power of nature - walking and breathing fresh air
• Aroma therapy before bed
• Keep a gratitude journal and write 3 things before bed
• Have a meal in silence
• Yoga
• Exercise 
• Breath-work 
• Blocks of time with no phone/technology
• A bubble bath
• Massage
• Journaling 
• Feeling feelings and accepting them all 
• Speaking to yourself in a soothing way
• Dance
• Repeat a positive mantra
• Read books that inspire and nourish the soul
• Find a coach or therapist to support you

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