Want to feel better? Accept the Unacceptable.

How do I accept the unacceptable?

How do I deal with what I can not change?

How do I feel better when everything feels so hard? 

There has been a common thread when I speak with teachers lately, most teachers, in one way or another, are highly frustrated, stressed and in resistance to the current state of education.

There are too many circumstances that feel unfair or just plain wrong in education today. Some of those issues are systematic (think: class sizes, paying out of pocket for supplies and last minute schedule changes). Some of the issues are personal (think: the disrespect from students or parents or decisions that appear to be made without teachers in mind).

The beautiful teachers I work with are realizing what doesn’t work. What doesn’t work is: avoidance, wishing it to be over and toxic positivity. Let me describe each of these below. 

Avoidance is what we do to numb or zone out. Instead of dealing with the uncomfortable emotions of the reality of teaching right now, teachers do the avoidance thing. This looks like drinking, overeating, online shopping, binging on Netflix, scrolling on social media, even over exercising or overworking are avoidance techniques to avoid the pain and grief of right now. Some of this is normal but ultimately isn’t going to get you to feel fulfilled. 

Wishing it to be over is how we ‘push through’ and can be a big clue that we aren’t accepting things as they truly are. Bypassing the moment, the journey and the difficulty by wanting things ‘back to normal’ or simply ‘over’ is another way we aren’t engaging in our life as it is presenting itself to us. It makes us feel out of control and without concrete skills or strategies to cope effectively. 

Toxic positivity can be another form of avoidance. This looks like the happy face on the outside and hurting on the inside, or what I used to do; completely unaware and disconnected to how we are feeling on the inside. It puts unneeded pressure on yourself and others. Yes there is power in positive thinking and I am not advocating for negative thinking or indulging in unhelpful complaining. Rather, acknowledge what is true for you so you can deal with it. The belief that we have to be happy all the time or put on a brave face is the toxic part because it eventually leads to self-judgement. Connection to yourself and to others comes from authenticity and vulnerability. 

Judgement is the meaning we attach to our circumstances. It’s the messaging we tell ourselves that something is good/bad, right/wrong, should/shouldn't. And ultimately this is what keeps us stuck.

Want to feel unstuck? 

Practicing acceptance is a strategy that can help you deal with all the unwanted changes to your world. Acceptance doesn’t mean we are okay with these circumstances, but rather we stop putting meaning on, or change the meaning we put on the circumstances around us.  

There is a difference between what is reality vs. what is our interpretation of reality. To know the difference ask yourself: what are the facts? In this simple pause we can plant a new narrative - one you are consciously choosing and one that feels better. 

Let’s be crystal clear here: Acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of the events or circumstances or think they are okay. Acceptance doesn’t mean we like what is happening but rather we are not resistant to it. 

So, how do you take constructive steps to improve your work/life conditions while practicing acceptance of this current reality? 

1. Awareness. The more you understand the issue, the circumstance, the difficulty, the person, the easier it is to accept. 
2. Identify where you are in judgement. (Hint: what do you think should/shouldn’t have happened). List all your judgements or things you are having difficulty accepting.
3. Go through the list and rewrite each judgement. Write “I am willing to accept….” before each statement. Ex. I am willing to accept... that I didn't get the break I needed.
4. Change your internal narrative from “This unjust thing shouldn’t be happening” to “this thing IS happening, and I accept that reality for the learning it brings me”.
5. Acknowledge yourself for being willing to change your point of view from judgement to acceptance. Notice the relief when you stop resisting. 

As you move into acceptance of the disappointment and hurt, there is no resistance to what is so you have more energy to tend to your personal needs and begin making the steps to fulfillment, even in challenging circumstances. 

Developing  awareness and acceptance are part of my Burnout Prevention Formula, for teachers who want more time and energy without adding more to their plate. Want to know more? Book a call with me for some actionable steps you can put in place today. Get in touch!