How I turned my burn out into bliss

I rode my bike away from the last day of my teaching job as if I couldn’t peddle fast enough. I remember the struggle as I pumped up the big hill, visualizing my middle finger flicking my last farewell (but I didn’t do it...maybe I would have if I wasn’t peddling so fast). 

That year was the worst of my life. There were more tears than I thought possible in a human body. There was so much fear before meetings with administrators or parents. The students seemed to reject all my student-centered, deep thinking learning. I was bewildered. There were even days that I was shocked at what came out of my mouth. I felt my integrity as a professional slipping farther and farther away. I was miserable, doubting myself, dreading my work and caught in a shame spiral because I should know better. 

I had been a successful classroom teacher for eleven years! I loved my work. I thrived. I loved the kids and they loved me. My mission in the classroom landed. Kids learned at a really deep level. They were curious, they questioned, they were kind. I had inspired little change makers to take global and local action and they inspired me. It was beautiful and we all felt it. 

So I escaped. That’s what I needed to do. I took off as far as I could possibly go, hiding myself in a tent in the Yukon, ferry rides in Alaska. Fight, flight, freeze? Definitely flight. Even after returning home I couldn’t think about it..the school year, the students. It felt like I had endured something really traumatic. I had a physical reaction to anything to do with education but there was this sinking thought behind all of my avoidance...

Who was I if I wasn’t a teacher? What was my mission if not to educate? How could I heal myself and come back from this? And what do I DO now?? I knew for sure, everything I was doing was not working anymore. A shift needed to happen beyond escaping the walls of a school. A shift needed to happen within me. 

When I finally sat down to pick up the pieces and reached out for some support (ok, maybe a lot of support) it became painfully obvious that I had little awareness of what I was even feeling. I didn’t have the skills to speak my truth and I certainly did not have the self-compassion or self love to radically accept myself as I was. It became clear that the answer was not in more doing. It was in being. Self love was the path. 

So that is what I did. 

And I can help you with this too. If you are ready. Heck, even if you aren’t, I’ve got you.